Tuesday, October 30, 2012

The Truth about Twins. (Beware of F bombs)

Ok so here goes.  I'm going to tell you the TRUTH about Twins.  The shit no ones tells you, and you're not only gonna read "Shit" alot, but you're gonna get some F bombs among other words not suitable for kids.

So from birth on, they cry usually at the same time.  Yup, that's right.  Now if you don't have any baby experience at all, not even with one child, then you damned well know that 2 fucking babies crying at the same time can be EXTREMELY overwhelming.  Thank god my girls weren't colicky at all cause I would have just died.  And I have some baby experience, not from another child, but from years of babysitting and having lots of kids in my family.
If you like your sleep, then DON'T have kids.  Cause it's 100% TRUE what they say, "After kids, forget about a full/good nights sleep"  It just doesn't happen.  Even if they sleep through the night, you still hear shit in the baby monitor.  And with twins in the same room, you're pretty much fucked...cause when you so much as hear a peep you're in that room in 3.5 seconds to pull the "Cryer" out before she wakes the other.  There goes your sleep.  Now sometimes it's just for a few seconds, or you just need to rock her for a few minutes and then you're good to put her back down, but it still woke up.  Other times a fucking hour and a half goes by and they are still not back to that time it's 5:16am, and you say Fuck it, and put Treehouse on, cause the Backyardigans are on at that time, and that's one of the only cartoons you can somewhat tolerate, I mean shit, they have choreographed dance moves man.  There's 3 boys and 2 girls I think.  Sometimes I wonder.  Ok, am I really talking about a Kids show, yup I am, cause it's my blog and I do what I want.
Ok so what happens when both babies cry in the night?  Well you have to get the hubby up of course.  Then you both have one, and you're cranky ass motherfuckers cause you're tired and annoyed, with babies and each other.  No one knows why your annoyed with him or her, but you just are.  Whatever.  You ask each other if anyone on Kijiji would buy babies, is that even legal?! Prolly not eh, I should inquire! ;)
Once they fall back asleep with whatever tactic you have done to do so, maybe give a bottle, rock or sing, you just want to throw them in the crib and run for your life back to bed, hoping - PRAYING - that you can get a couple more hours in before they wake again.  And the older they get the harder it is for them to fall back asleep, I find anyway.  Could be different for others.
Then they wake for the day, you feed them and play with them...they whine here and there, crawl or stand and fall over, over and over and over again.  You feel so bad cause you can see the frustration.  But they keep at it.  My girls do anyway, I'm so happy they are fighters like that.
And then there's bedtime.  Oh bedtime...for us, they usually fall asleep in our arms while drinking their bottle. Well that's beginning to dwindle.  And we haven't done the "Cry it out" method either.  We try and rock them, sometimes it works and other times not so much.  By the end of the day, I just need me in the swing they go.  Go ahead, Judge me...!  I can hear it, "She's just screwing herself for later" Yup I know I am, but you know what, it fucking gets them to sleep...20-30 mins later.  And at the end of the day, I need to sit and enjoy a hour or 2 BABYLESS...I really do.  I tried the cry it out method, I did.  And what I got was, one baby tired as hell, trying to fall asleep, and they other still screaming bloody murder keeping the other up.   And as for the pack n play in another room, yup tried that too.  Walls aren't to thick in this apartment either.  The benefits of apartment living with twin girls, a mom a dad and a cat.  So the swings is what we use and it works for us.  Say what you want.
The best is when you're trying to change a bum, a shitty bum I might add and you have other baby trying to crawl all over you.  You say, no honey, mommy needs to change _________ gimme 2 seconds, and that's just not good enough for them, cause she wants you, and she wants you NOW.  Meanwhile you have a baby laying on the floor in front of you, full of shit, trying to grab the diaper.  Ya just great eh...oh the posh life.  I can't tell you how many times I got shit on my hands, and they are only 9 months.  I know, I'm gonna be covered in it at some point and it's gonna be on the walls yada yada, heard it.  For now, it's just on my hand or my fingers, and it grosses me the fuck out.  Especially cause they are eating food now, and it's stinks, I just don't get how something so small and just reak!! OMG!
Have I mentioned when they start to crawl and walk, you mine as well just get rid of any decor you have in the livingroom or whatever rooms you let them go into.  They touch everything, they put it all in their mouths's a fucking taste test all around...a smoregaborg (I don't know how to spell it), an all you can eat buffet.  Does't matter how much you spent on the item, they don't give a shit, if it's in arms reach, it's going in their hand then the mouth.  I can't even let them read books, unless they are plastic, they have eaten the covers off a few books...maybe that's why their shit stinks so much, it's got paper and cardboard in it.  LMAO!
So far so good for going out in public for us.  Pretty good girls.  But I have a feeling that's about to change.  Since Delilah now throws tantrums when she can't have what she wants.  Not to mention, that friggin kid is a bully.  Constantly pushing Clarisse, stealing her toys and coming over and just taking the soother right out of her mouth.  Clarisse just takes it.  One day I can see her just hauling off and giving it to her, I can't say I will blame her.  Of course, we will now allow that.  But secretly I'll be thinking, "It's about time".  What a horrible mother I am eh.
I guess you just get used to it all.  I've been told over and over it gets better.  I believe it.  Even though all this stuff is just so fucked up at the time you're going thru it, after it's passed you think to yourself, "Ok, that wasn't THAT bad" and just prepare yourself for whats to come I guess.  Not that you can really prepare yourself for kids, let alone 2 at the same time.
Now I know this might sound so lame, tame, boring to some, but it's my story and to me, at that time, it was challenging.  Is there more to come, hell ya...I'm sure of it.  And for those who have twins, you're probably laughing an EVIL EVIL laugh right now, like a Dracula laugh....that's ok.  Bring it on is what I say.  I can only talk about my experiences and give advice, but I will say I will NEVER judge cause someone else's situation could be the complete opposite of mine.  Just the way it is.
After all that, the ups the downs, the cries, the giggles, the smiles, the shits, the pukes, the stained outfits you would have really like to sell or give away, you get this:

Then 7 months later you get this...

Felt good to get that off my chest!


sherrie said...

wow this was great. I have the same issues with just one couldn't imagine with two. :) keep up the good work

Del said...

Im so glad you vented !!! Its about freakin time're an amazing Mom and doing a really really great job. See why moms really are insane because guess what you have to be, anyone who thinks their super mom well screw them they're lying, you do what you do to get through the day.....maybe invest in some duct tape. No one tells what its really like because would you believe them or have kids ?? Keep your chin up and remind yourself you're doing AWESOME !!!