Monday, November 19, 2012

Biggest Guilt Trip ...I'd say so!

A friend said to me this weekend that parenting is the Biggest Guilt Trip of your life.  And of any statement I have ever heard, this has to be the truest of true.  As we chatted about being parents after all kiddies where down for the night, of course with a MUCH needed glass of Red Wine in hand - Alot of eye openers that's for sure.  I guess what sparked the thought was how bad I felt that the girls were off there normal routine for that night.  See we went to visit our friends, a 2.5 hour drive away.  So that means, not sleeping in our own beds, and no swings to assist with naps and bedtimes.  After supper, I suddenly felt the stress level start to increase.  Just thinking about how bedtime would work out, since we don't or should say, haven't done the cry it out method yet..but as the night went on...and the girls played with the kids and ran around the awesomest basement of basements...they did eventually crash, with a little extra bottle and some cuddles.  THANK GOD!  And it didn't take us hours and hours...but 8:15pm they were out and out.  So needless to say, the process was longer than usual, but the outcome was alllllright!
Thank you for having us Amy and Landon, time spent with you and your family is always so wonderful and warms my heart.  Just like being HOME!  Well I guess it's like what they say, Home is where the Heart is.


So on her drive home I pondered more on the guilt of parenthood.  And thought, shit, there are things that will get better as time goes on and then there are things that are not gonna get better, they are gonna get worse - like possibly the Guilt.  The guilt of not being able to get them what they want possibly.  I know they will ALWAYS have what they need if my husband and I have anything to do with it.  What if they want a toy or book, will I feel guilty for not giving or getting it for them.  What if one gets more attention at times, I KNOW that will make me feel extremely guilty - since it happens sometimes now.  God, it's the worst feeling.  It makes me so sad.  So I try and just lots of cuddles and kisses when I'm done with whichever baby I was tending too.  It's an ongoing battle.  But I guess as a Mom of twins a balance needs to be found. I know it'll come.
Then the thought crossed my mind, OMG, what is one of my girls is more social and has more friends.  They I felt sick to my stomach.  How can I deal with something like that?  How do you fix that? Oh my god, I'm having heart palpitations just thinking of it.
Ok let's say I don't have that problem and the girls have lots of the same friends and become good friends themselves and do alot together.  What is one is better in sports or school than the other? What do you there?  Oh boy.
I can just hear all the parents, don't worry about that right now.  They will be fine.  But I do worry, I can't help it!
Is it normal to think this?
The worst though is when they get hurt.  We are constantly running to bumping heads, falling down, scratches.  I feel so bad.  But I can't bubble wrap them, so I have to just do my best to watch and make sure to have lots of cuddles and hugs and kisses for the bo bo's.  Right?!
Oh the worries!

So with that said.  I have 10 months in.  And MANY more years to go.  I don't think anyone ever really masters parenthood.  I know there are others who have WAY more experiences that the next person, someone who has the best advice ever and others who have not so great advice.  I'll take what you give me and run with it.  I'll run with whatever works best for my girls and Marty and I that is.  And I'm ready for the guilt so bring it on.  I'll deal with it the very best I could.  I know my girls are so special and I have high hopes for them.  We all do!


January Dawn said...

Oh the guilt - it never ends. I do think women/mothers tend to have more of the guilt factor than men/fathers. I don't know why this is...if this is just the way we're made up but that makes for a good discussion too. I have the same thoughts about my boys...what if one is smarter/more athletic/more popular/more outgoing blah blah. Because they will always be compared by other people - they're brothers. And I hate that - even I do it and I hate it. Of-course THAT makes me feel guilty too though I suppose it's only natural as parents to compare siblings (even though we're always 'told' not to). I'm totally blabbering on here...but just wanted to let you know you're not alone in your thoughts! xo :)

Ann @ My Nearest and Dearest said...

You're definitely not alone in feeling this way Tanya! I am always worrying about Peanut and I drive myself crazy doing so! I don't have much more parenting time in than you and I can't offer any advice but I have noticed that most of the things I worry about have resolved themselves in time.