I've been back to work 3 full weeks and 2 days. I've been to the gym once. What the fuck is up with that. I told myself I was going to really get back to it. The one day I did go, it was so friggin busy it turned me right off. But I just have to go at a different time that's all. Today is Wednesday. I am going to the gym as of Monday, February 4, 2013 if it kills me. I will fight myself. MotherF-er!! I'm at my all time heaviest and I fucking hate it. Seriously...it's not right. How does one loose control that badly. And I can't play the "Just had 2 babies" card anymore...There ONE!! I don't want to be the Fat mom...the one where her kids say "Mommy how come your belly is so big" Ya I've heard that before. Or this one, "Do you have a baby in there" Um..no thanks!
I brought my Eat Clean Recharged book to work today. On my break I'm going to run through it and make some notes for myself. I'm gonna do this again. I am. I did it before. I'm gonna do it again. I am.
I'm also going to get my fat ass in the gym too. I remember when I loved it. I really did love working out. Fuck, we bought a $700 jogging stroller cause I was going to start running. When there's no snow I can get out with them and run or walk or whatever...
I know exactly what my problem is tho. I make excuses for myself. Just because he's eating chips doesn't mean I have to. That's his body not mine. He has to live in his own body, not me. I have to live in mine, so why wouldn't I treat it well.
I wonder what changed in me. Why wouldn't I want to continue to eat healthy and exercise. I know I was tired after the girls. Jeez, I still am. But I have to make that time for me. For my body, my health, for my happiness, for my girls - to show them how they should eat as adults and how to be a healthy human being. It only makes sence. I mean, if they see Marty and I eat like shit, then they will also eat that way. I guess it has to stop with us.
Well...this is it. It stops HERE. It stops NOW.