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Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Ok it's time.

I've been back to work 3 full weeks and 2 days.  I've been to the gym once.  What the fuck is up with that.  I told myself I was going to really get back to it.  The one day I did go, it was so friggin busy it turned me right off.  But I just have to go at a different time that's all.  Today is Wednesday.  I am going to the gym as of Monday, February 4, 2013 if it kills me.  I will fight myself.  MotherF-er!!  I'm at my all time heaviest and I fucking hate it.  Seriously...it's not right.  How does one loose control that badly.  And I can't play the "Just had 2 babies" card anymore...There ONE!!  I don't want to be the Fat mom...the one where her kids say "Mommy how come your belly is so big"  Ya I've heard that before.  Or this one, "Do you have a baby in there" Um..no thanks! 
I brought my Eat Clean Recharged book to work today.  On my break I'm going to run through it and make some notes for myself.  I'm gonna do this again.  I am.  I did it before.  I'm gonna do it again.  I am. 
I'm also going to get my fat ass in the gym too.  I remember when I loved it.  I really did love working out.  Fuck, we bought a $700 jogging stroller cause I was going to start running.  When there's no snow I can get out with them and run or walk or whatever...
I know exactly what my problem is tho.  I make excuses for myself.  Just because he's eating chips doesn't mean I have to.  That's his body not mine.  He has to live in his own body, not me.  I have to live in mine, so why wouldn't I treat it well. 
I wonder what changed in me.  Why wouldn't I want to continue to eat healthy and exercise.  I know I was tired after the girls. Jeez, I still am.  But I have to make that time for me.  For my body, my health, for my happiness, for my girls - to show them how they should eat as adults and how to be a healthy human being.  It only makes sence.  I mean, if they see Marty and I eat like shit, then they will also eat that way.  I guess it has to stop with us.
Well...this is it.  It stops HERE. It stops NOW.

2 comments:

The Couponing Mom said...

I love how you put it that he has to live in his body and you have to live in yours. I never thought of it that way before. I go threw the same thing with Craig although Craig is a lot smaller then me he still eats very unhealthy and i just go along eating what he eats. I hit my higest after I had my son. He was about one. The best thing I did to loose weight quickly was adopting a vegetarian diet. I dropped about 40 pounds the first year
yeah I get weak and tired from lack of protien and tied of people questioning why Im vegetarian but it is so much healthier to not eat meat and for me quitting eating meat kept my butt out of fast food places and I was a sucker for those...keep up the attitude of wanting to change and I know you will do just great....:)

The Couponing Mom said...

I love how you put it that he has to live in his body and you have to live in yours. I never thought of it that way before. I go threw the same thing with Craig although Craig is a lot smaller then me he still eats very unhealthy and i just go along eating what he eats. I hit my higest after I had my son. He was about one. The best thing I did to loose weight quickly was adopting a vegetarian diet. I dropped about 40 pounds the first year
yeah I get weak and tired from lack of protien and tied of people questioning why Im vegetarian but it is so much healthier to not eat meat and for me quitting eating meat kept my butt out of fast food places and I was a sucker for those...keep up the attitude of wanting to change and I know you will do just great....:)